Beautiful Outlaw is a little bit ugly

I have to admit - I'm feeling a little foolish. Not long ago, I posted on my facebook wall that anyone who thought Jesus is boring should read John Eldredge's new book Beautiful Outlaw. I had heard excerpts of the book via podcast and everything sounded fantastic - a book about the vibrant personality of Jesus. Not to mention, I LOVE every book John Eldredge has written and own almost all of them. Let's establish that right off the bat - I LOVE John's books, his ministry, and have never had an issue with anything he's taught in the past.
Which is why before even reading his new book, I EVEN went so far as to organize a book study with some friends. Now that I've finished reading it, I'm almost wishing I hadn't. Don't get me wrong, it will still make for some interesting discussion... but it won't be what I had hoped it would, and for one simple reason: This book, which seems to be about 'Jesus', spends half of its energy rejecting "religion" as though a personal relationship with Christ is mutually exclusive from it. He goes as far as to say "this is the bottom-line test of anything claiming to be of Jesus: does it bring life? If it doesn't, drop it like a rattlesnake. And you will find that the religious never, ever brings life. Ever." You know he means it, he added an extra "ever".
Needless to say (since this is a Catholic blog and Catholicism is the oldest institutionalized religion on the planet), I reject that assertion. Undoubtedly I will probably be disqualified as having a reasonable critique, because he said in the book 'if you will simply read the Gospels without bias, you cannot come to any other conclusion but that religion is the enemy' and later even asserts 'if you disagree with me, it's because you're a religious person'.
While I absolutely agree with him about the hollowness of much religious ritual, I know from study, observation, and experience that the hollowness stems from poor catechesis more than anything, and cannot be bundled and rejected as part and parcel of the nature of religion itself. When you DO have that personal relationship with Jesus, your religious practice becomes full of life and from your heart!
Allow me to point out a selection of Catch-22's I found in Beautiful Outlaw:
-The author is careful to distinguish between Christianity and popular Christian culture, yet he seems to be towing the Christian pop-culture line of "I like Jesus, but I don't like organized religion". So, out of his mouth comes 'don't just get immersed in pop-culture Christianity ideas', and yet here is promoting what I think is the worst one!
-The author takes the time to warn us that our perceptions and experiences aren't the sum total of Christ and that we have to be careful - what we experienced usually isn't objective truth. And yet... people having bad religious experiences makes religion bad? A bit of a double-standard.
-He cites the words of Jesus 'you shall know them by the fruit they bear' to say that all the bad fruit that comes from the religious spirit proves that it's bad. I think that is to take these words of Christ out of context, because if a good tree cannot bear bad fruit, we're all bad trees. A better parable to use would be the wheat and the weeds (Matthew 13) - there is some crap in the Church, but it doesn't mean you leave the Church and call it evil. We all 'grow together until the harvest'.
This attitude John is purporting in his book is the reason the Body of Christ is so broken today, splintered into so many factions. We find sin, corruption, or something else that we don't like in the Church. So we leave and start our own church, or we decide to be a lone-ranger Christian who 'loves Jesus but doesn't like organized religion". We cannot say out one side of our mouths that we love Christ, and then turn around and reject his Bridge, his very Body the Church, just because of sin. Jesus loves her and bears with her in spite of that, so you leaving her is not the answer. C.S. Lewis (PHENOMENAL writer, as is John!) made the same mistake by excluding ecclesiology from his classic Mere Christianity. Martin Luther made the same mistake - although he set out for reform, he ended in regret, having caused a division among Christians that Christ never intended.
My friends, I understand that we encounter sin, evil, corruption, etc. in the Church - but that is not a reason to leave. Jesus found sin, evil, corruption, etc. in US and did not leave, but bonded us together in His very self - The Church, The Mystical Body of Christ. We cannot say we love Him and at the same time reject His Bride. Practicing Catholicism doesn't take us away from Jesus, it brings Him to us - that's what's so mind-blowing about the Eucharist.
That said - I think that a reader with discretion will find that ("poison of religion"-flavored comments aside) the rest of the content of this book is dead-on. Jesus was fully God and fully man - we miss the mark if we view him as only God, but just as much when we think he was just a nice dude. He had a personality, a WONDERFUL one, and most of the strange, seemingly cryptic things he said become very relevant for us if we don't stop at "that's weird and old and doesn't make any sense". Dig deeper... you will find a treasure!


PS- John says in one part of this book "many Catholics find Mary a more approachable figure, because Jesus has been lifted so far into the heavens he seems altogether gone". THAT IS CRAZY TALK to anyone who understands Marian devotion and practices it truly. We love Mary because Jesus loved Mary, and she helps us to get close to him not because he is far away, but because she is the first Christian and the most wonderful person to emulate and seek help from - because being close to hear only helps us to love him more! Mary is a mediator, yes, but we are all mediators - if we didn't believe that, we would never ask anyone to pray for us, we'd just "go straight to Jesus".

The Idea of the Ideal Catholic Mom - A Worldview Self-Critique

There's something I've been thinking about for a long time, since my days at Franciscan University. The campus demographic is dominantly comprised of charismatic, passionate Catholics, many of whom pair off while in college and get married shortly after. To the outside world, it may appear like an almost-disturbing throwback to the 50's, but FUS celebrates this aspect of its subculture, even giving it front-page treatment on the latest edition of alumni magazine, Franciscan Way.

Lest you think that that I'll only critique secular culture, let's take a good hard look at the worldview I'm plugged into. Here's my basic questions- if you want to be a good Catholic mom, should you be at home? Should the husband be the primary or even the sole provider? Is it possible to live on one income in the new millenium, or do we only think we need two incomes because we live in a consumerist, materialistic culture? Are these ideas biblical? Let's work backwards.

We know from Genesis that God gives BOTH the man and the woman the command to "fill the earth and subdue it" (Gen 1:28). So, from the beginning, work is a part of God's plan for both man and woman. St. Paul tells us "Whoever does not provide for relatives and especially family members has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). We also know that the "ideal woman" described in Proverbs 31 was a businesswoman, a merchant, a worker. (She also dresses nicely, takes good care of herself, runs her household smoothly, has a heart for charitable work, and her husband and children praise her. That's a tall order!) What's more, our late great Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote in his letter to women thanks to wives, mothers, daughters, AND women who work! He says:

"You are present and active in every area of life-social, economic, cultural, artistic and political. In this way you make an indispensable contribution to the growth of a culture which unites reason and feeling, to a model of life ever open to the sense of "mystery", to the establishment of economic and political structures ever more worthy of humanity."

With that in mind, consider the following: 69% of students graduating with a bachelor's degree from a private university take out student loans, and the average educational debt load for this demographic is $17,125, according to the 2003-2004 National Postsecondary Student Aid Study. However, many people I know from FUS (including myself) have in the range of $50-$100K of individual student debt when graduating. Say two students with $17K each of debt get married: we're looking at a couple starting off their marriage with $34,000 in debt (and that's just educational debt!). Say they have a baby in their first year of marriage, mom stays home, and dad goes to work earning $44,389 (median household income in the United States, 2004). Let's take it one step further - using Dave Ramsey's recommended percentages for allocating bills, the family puts between 5-10% of their monthly income towards debt. Now, if we were to calculate this WITHOUT considering federal and state taxes and assuming the couple doesn't have consumer debt, we'd be looking at the following conservative estimate: paying back their loans (with a 6% APR) with installments of $275/month, it would take them until July of 2027 to pay this off! By then, their oldest child is 16 and they probably won't be able to him/her with their college expenses.

Say that couple has a combined $100K in student debt between them with the same payoff rate: their oldest child will be 50 before they're done! Forget credit card debt, forget owning a home, and forget paying for your children's college education! In fact, forget about having more children while you're at it - since according to the USDA's 2009 report Expenditures on Children by Families 2009, costs for food, shelter and child-raising necessities will total from $11,650 to $13,530 annually. (For a more personally-accurate figure, check out: www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator ). What we have here is a recipe for disaster. (For an even more detailed picture, I highly recommend Jean Twenge's Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before).

I would further assert that this is a big threat for marriages! A man's sense of himself often comes from being able to achieve results (see: Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress by John Gray to learn more about the hormonal nuances in relationships). If there are financial problems in a marriage, a man's self-esteem will probably suffer. A woman's sense of self often comes from the quality of her relationships, so if the woman is home with the kids and dependent on the husband for income, my bet is that she'll be stressed by the quality of home relationships! Dave Ramsey, in his audio lesson discussing marriage and money, gives several statistics about how money issues are the biggest marriage-buster. If this is what the average alum is dealing with, it any wonder that the FUS divorce rates are just about the same as everywhere else in the United States?!

Am I saying that women should be working full-time outside the home and that's the only solution to this crazy dilemma? Absolutely not!
Am I contesting that it's in the best interest of the child for a parent to be home? Absolutely not!
Do I think that it's in the best interest of our children to grow up surrounded by this type of financial tension? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

The only way to change this situation is to decrease expenses and/or increase income, and doing that means some sacrifice - after all, if we keep doing what we've been doing, we'll keep getting what we're getting. In order to see change, we have to do something different! So there are two options for accomplishing this (or three, if you want to include winning the lottery):

1) taking on extra outside-the-home work. Most people don't want to do this, especially FUS Catholic parents I know. They believe in the dignity of the human family, they love their families, and they want to be home with their kids. That leaves you with...

2) Mom works from home. I happen to think this is the best choice! It requires managing your time and your emotions, but it can be done!

One alternative is for mom to get herself involved in a direct sales business. This can be great because she has the flexibility to set her hours, and change them as the kids' needs change, the family will be helped by the tax benefits of a home business, she can choose a product/service she's passionate about and the people she works with if she decides to build a team, and what I consider the most vocation-honoring part of it: the life lessons kids observe by watching Mom. They'll see her model self-discipline, how to balance work and your personal life, goal-setting, people skills, the list goes on. They learn financial responsibility, personal character, and the dignity of work, and they benefit from the harmony of Mom and Dad's marriage.

Kristin Rogers, daughter of direct-selling leader Connie Kittson, described what it was like to grow up in that environment: "My mom made me feel a part of her business and allowed me to work side by side with her. My mom's direct-selling business became our family business". She goes on to recall having a little desk next to Mom's, and helping with gift baskets, product displays, curling ribbon, and eventually creating entire newsletters and delivering product for Mom.

So, to summarize:
Q: Is the idea of a man being the sole provider biblical?
A: Nope.

Q: Is it possible to live on one income in the new millenium, or do we only think we need two incomes because of the culture we live in?
A: If you went to a private university and have student loans, it's rather unrealistic.

Q: Is it ideal for mom to be home?
A: Sure! - but that doesn't mean she can't do something to contribute towards household income, nor does it necessarily mean that your children will suffer if you do.


Families have to discern these decisions carefully, and they should absolutely follow what they think God wants for them. However, knowing the kind of opportunities available in the US and not finding SOME way to improve your financial situation would be akin to the joke Chris Gardner's son tells him in The Pursuit of Happyness:

During a terrible storm, a man sat on his porch watching the rain fall. The man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here, you have to come with us." The man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the man to come with them. The man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again. An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached. Again the man refused to leave stating that, "God will save me." So the boat left him again. The man drowned and when he went before God he cried, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "You dummy! I sent three boats after you!!"

That's all for now - but there will probably be a Part II :).

PS- If you are one of the few "fortunates" who has no student debt or who married a millionaire, obviously this doesn't apply to you in the same way. But I happen to believe that even if a wife doesn't NEED to bring income to her family, she should still have some 'work' other than her children. C.S. Lewis said: "There are some women who 'live for others' - you can tell the others by their hunted expression". For the sake of your children, you should have some ministry/club/interest in your life besides them so that 1) they aren't smothered and 2) they don't believe they are the center of the universe!

Memorial Day - A Brief Observation

"Do this in remembrance of me" - the words of Jesus at The Last Supper, when we as Catholics believe the sacrament of the Eucharist was instituted. Many interpret this phrase to mean something in the flavor of that cheesy Phantom of the Opera song: "Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye..." However, for Jews at the time of Christ, the religious ritual of remembering the Passover was experienced as actually entering into that moment of history and reliving it. Very cool.

Similarly, receiving the Eucharist "in remembrance" of Christ is to insert ourselves into the Paschal Mystery of Jesus' passion, death and Resurrection. Add to that the concept of the Church as Jesus' Mystical Body, and all the baptized being a member of that body, and what you've got is a profound and incredible idea: that when we receive the Eucharist (the minister holds the host before you and says "Body of Christ", to which we respond "Amen", meaning "I believe so strongly in what you have just said that I will stake my life on it"), we are not only receiving the Lord, but also all those who (by grace) are members of His Body.

So, on this national day of remembering those who have died, (in old school theological language we call those in heaven "the Church Triumphant") we as Catholics can truly celebrate that those we love who have died are not far away, they are not gone! In fact, they are even closer to us than ever through the power of the sacraments. We have no need for seances or trying to "contact the other side" - because those who are now full of perfect love come to us at Mass. We do not grieve without hope, for those who have died in grace are not lost. They are with us.

Today, I thank God for: the life of my Grandpa, his brother Tom, my mom's cousin Kim, and my boyfriend's Aunt Annette. Pray for us!

What's in store for you here...

Hello, out there.

I've been having the itch for some time to start a new blog. The purpose of this new outlet (for my social analysis through the lens of my Catholic faith) will primarily be for the entertainment/benefit/brain-stirring of my brothers and sisters in the Church, but is free and open to anyone to read, question, or otherwise comment on.

In this blog I will be sharing: interesting interpretations of current events, questions for the readers, and perspectives on pop culture trends, as well as book/movie/music reviews. We'll be digging deep, linking up what's going on in the world with what the Catholic Church proposes for belief.

Please understand, I am not presenting myself as an infallible teacher of all things Catholic. I am simply trying to provoke a deeper consideration of issues to you. However, I will dish it to you raw. So if you prefer PC sugarcoating- you probably won't want to follow this.

I welcome topic suggestions from my readers as well. I don't shy away from the tough stuff, so fire away! You'll be hearing from me soon.